Good evening on my side of the world, guys! It's been an extremely eventful year for me. A lot of major issues that have ultimately been to my benefit and blessing. Music had gotten to a point for a long time where working on it was nearly intolerable. I was so trapped in the drudgery of trying to make music that everybody would like, and grew to hate what I was making as a result. It was never good enough. I've been able to finish a song here and there, and I'm immensely proud of the songs I've completed, yet still struggle with the feeling that "if only I had done _____, it would have been loved more." These are feelings internal to myself, and they're things that irk me when I want to actually enjoy things without guilt or shame.

So this year, I've been doing things a little different.

I have no songs near completion that I want to work on. I am learning to play again - to just fiddle around with knobs, faders, keys, and drum pads. Instead of dialing in a perfect, original sound on every track, I am playing (with much halting and bonafide OCD) with loops, presets, and practicing just liking a sound instead of forcing it to be a certain way.

This is slowly becoming liberating. Instead of doing what I've always done, which used to work fine, I'm experimenting with new things.

And I am starting to feel a little more joy each day that I take time to sit down and practice playing. Not even practicing an instrument, per se - just playing, as in with buttons, silly sounds, beautiful noises, gorgeous pads, stabbing leads. Suddenly, the drudge work is less drudgy. Believing in God, I believe he is helping me to enjoy things that I have been too burdened of late to enjoy otherwise. It's a slow process. I have a lot to learn, and I am not quite as afraid of the learning process sucking as I used to be.